Tenchi the Movie Two: Daughter of Darkness Part One

Ah, the holidays. Such a wonderful time to be alive.

For me, however, this holiday is far busier than usual. I’m getting married on the 10^th and my Daughter will be born in February, so I haven’t had much time to work on my reviews. However, I want to at least get half of this review posted for the Christmas season. Why? Well, this is the closest thing Tenchi has to a Christmas special discounting a Manga chapter.

Now the story behind this movie is complicated. It is actually an adaptation of one of the Hasegawa novels. As such, it doesn’t necessarily fall into any animated continuity but its own. Audiences unfamiliar with the novels will be confused by the appearance of Kiyone in what is clearly an OVA based world. The other two movies are actually continuations of Tenchi Universe, so it makes it even more confusing. 

Unfortunately, I do not have access to the original novel, so I cannot compare the two to see how faithfully it was adapted. Hopefully one day I can do that, but until then let us see how it holds up as both a Tenchi movie and a Christmas special! And since it is Christmas, that means I should get in the spirit of the season…with a review in rhyme!

Our movie begins with bursts in the sky…wait, is this actually the Fourth of July?

A girl gives a boy a box with a tree in its bed. I’d be careful, you know. It might summon Pinhead.

But before the Cenobites’ torture can unfurl, soldiers arrive and beat the crap out of the girl.

Don’t worry child, I think you’ll be fine. You’ll come back to life thanks to Superboy Prime.

After beating her up and destroying the box with the tree, an old man stabs her with a Master Key! Why, we aren’t on Earth, it’s not July. We are on the planet of incest: good old Jurai! But the girl comes back to life and screams to the sky. She’s now a green demon…I don’t know why. 

“Depart! You wicked creature!” the old man shouts as he will try to kill her again without a doubt.

We get a good look at the demon of the day. She looks like a cross between Ryo-Ohki and Yume. Who is Yume? Just wait and see. We will get to that manga after OVA 3.

The girl wakes up in a room full of toys. Was that just a dream? Just wait girls and boys. And just look at those toys, their designs are so flat. Even King Moonracer wouldn’t accept them like that.

Just then a familiar song begins to swell…why it is a chorus of “Jingle Bells!”

“What in the world is going on?” she asks with a frown. Doesn’t she feel the goodwill all around?

Every Masaki in Japan liked Christmas a lot, but the creature whose name we don’t know yet did not.

Yosho, piss drunk, laughed all through the night. It was clear he was enjoying the Christmas delights.

“Wha…what’s a Juraian Prince doing there?” The demon asked, taking great care. But how did you know that, I ask seriously. How could you tell that? Was it the Christmas tree?

And speaking of, what made you look there on Christmas? I feel like we could use an explanation for this.

But enough of that…we get the best Christmas gift to you from me: the girls piss drunk singing with Nobuyuki!

Nobuyuki and the girls sung out from their hearts. They all knew this was the man’s only part.

 “Coming through Grandfather!” Sasami said with delight.

“Look at that! You made a stupendous cake, Sasami!” Yosho said, and all seemed right.

Though Mihoshi, your glasses are seemingly too few. There are only six I see…you got some ‘splaining to do!

Ryoko, so drunk, flew straight to her man. She’d get him in bed if it they follow her plan! “TENCHIIIIII!” she cried with all of her might.

 

“Oh my word!” Mihoshi dropped the plate from fright.

You seem to have lost some glasses from the previous frame. I guess the animation team is surely to blame.

“Hey, loosen up and have a drinkie! Come on!” Ryoko begged her hunk. I miss Burchard already. She makes a great drunk.

The creature thinks Tenchi’s entitled, it’s true. She really doesn’t like him, though it’s out of the blue.

Then she gets an idea. And awful idea. The creature gets a wonderful, awful idea!

 

“I know just what to do!” The creature laughed in the air. “I just need a piece of his rat tail hair!”

And she pulled and she tugged. “Though this hair might be stenchy! It is the perfect way to strike fear to that Tenchi!

“All I need is my own hair!” And she pulled it out quick. “I’ll give him a gift just like I’m Saint Nick!”

She put the hair strands in a ball of green goo. The hair shifted together into one from two!

“Startica!” she wailed from inside her tree! It was time to enact revenge against the Masaki family!

We draw the curtain on this sordid scene and find ourselves in Spring…wait, was that the ONLY Christmas scene in the movie? I guess that means I don’t have to create anymore Seussian rhymes.

Ayeka and Kiyone greet each other, which allows us to get acquainted with Kiyone’s new voice. You see, Sherry Lynn used a deeper version of her regular voice for the character, but found it irritating. As such, famous Anime voice actress Wendee Lee was brought in. She does a fine job, but it really isn’t anything noteworthy. I didn’t even realize the switch when I first saw the movie years ago.

Regardless, we are still given a Christmas present this year: Ryoko brushing her teeth:

It’s good to know that intergalactic space pirates practice good oral hygiene.

Tenchi, meanwhile, has gone to pray at his Mother’s grave. As he walks home, he gets the shock of his life: a female version of Monkey D. Luffy has taken an interest in him!

A girl showing interest in Tenchi? What a shocker. 

“Yo Ho Ho, you took a bite of Gum Gum?”

“…Daddy?”

Wait…is Tenchi a part of some kind of fetish club? Is she his sub? Actually, Tenchi being a closet pervert would make most of this franchise make sense.

“BAD TOUCH!”

Cut to Ryoko playing with an eggplant, which is far more relevant now than it was in the 90’s.

Oh Ryoko, you and your emojis.

Tenchi returns with the mystery girl in tow and one by one the girls, save Washu, who couldn’t be bothered, constantly interrupt Tenchi before he can introduce her.

“We’ve got a real visitor!”

…that’s actually a good observation Mihoshi. Bravo.

Of course, since this is Tenchi and we never get visitors that aren’t related to the main characters, we’ve got Tenchi’s Dau…

“Hey, I just heard we were doing a gag. Can I be a part of this too?”

Nobuyuki, you can do anything you want.

So Tenchi tries AGAIN to explain who this girl is and, since we’ve got to pad this out to be at least an hour, the girls interrupt him once more.

“I can’t wait to hear this story! Spit it out!”

HE’S TRYING AYEKA! YOU WONT LET HIM!

“Daddy!”

Oh no…you can’t just blurt that out like that. They will kill you. Slowly. And then feast on your entrails.

“WHAAAA?!”

“She called you Daddy! What does she mean by that?!”

“Are you hiding something from us?”

“Yes, based on how my face is drawn I’m actually Steven Universe.”

“I’ll be your Connie daddy!”

“Wow! Tenchi’s a Father!”

“I’m getting out of here before they kill me by mistake!”

“Oh well. Isn’t that nice? It really is hot today, isn’t it? Come on in!”

So does Mihoshi not realize what was said or does she just not care? YOU DECIDE!

“I love you so much Daddy!”

…your character is seriously limited to just calling Tenchi “Daddy” isn’t it? I know Hasegawa can be repetitive, but come on!

“THAT’S IT! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! PROGRESS THE PLOT ALONG!”

“Say, did I hear plot? Am I needed for some exposition?”

“BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL….”

“I HAVE THE POWER!”

…what…?

“Look! It’s the Light Hawk Sword!”

…no it’s not. The Light Hawk Sword is white and physical, not blue and made of energy. That would be the hilt of the Master Key. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT MOVIE!

“Come on! Hurry!”

“Nobuyuki, I know you feel left out, but there’s no need to get excited over…”

“…I will never doubt you again Son.”

But they aren’t the only ones watching this:

“It’s a present from me. Enjoy it Yosho!”

...how did you know that Yosho would come? Your plan hinged entirely on Nobuyuki bringing Yosho to the house. What if he didn’t do that? I DEMAND ANSWERS!

Yosho-Ex-Machina.

“I’m very sorry, but no matter the provocation I never allow killing in the house.”

“Grandpa, did you see it? She had the Light Hawk Sword!”

“Don’t get bent out of shape Tenchi. You know, I worked up an appetite! Maybe we can whip up some lunch?”

“How about you? You hungry missie? Go for some noodles?”

Washu takes the opportunity to steal one of this girl’s hairs…because that was the whole reason for the script to have Washu actually leave her lab.

“Okay I love you bye bye!”

From here we find out that this girl’s name is Mayuka. We also have no idea where she came from, but we DO know that Ryoko hates her with a passion. So Mayuka, from where do you hail?

“I don’t know!”

Thanks for that thrilling insight.

Kiyone, being the smart one of the group, asks about Mayuka’s Mother. Unfortunately, she doesn’t remember anything about her Mother, only Tenchi. As Tenchi, who is eavesdropping, tries to wrap his head around the entire situation, Washu arrives to provide....

EXPOSITION!

“First off, you really are her Father. Congrats!”

…way to be incredibly calm about such a life altering revelation Washu. For his part, Tenchi has a wonderful reaction:

“Hey want some Watermelon Washu?”

“Affirmative.”

See him in the background? He is scared shitless. Wonderful.

“…that’s not true. That’s impossible!”

“Search your feelings! You know it to be true!”

“How…how can I be…be that gi…rl’s…FATHER?!”

Even without knowing the results of the paternity test, the girls are obviously talking Mayuka’s heritage. However, it is Mihoshi who comes up with probably the most logical theory that one can think of:

“That’s easy! He got married in the future!”

“ARE YOU SAYING THAT LITTLE BRAT RIGHT THERE IS FROM THE FUTURE?!”

…I wish Doc Brown would return my calls. It’s like he doesn’t want to be a part of these reviews anymore.

Regardless, without the knowledge that this was actually the machinations of some kind of goblin girl, this would be the easiest answer to reconcile everything. Tenchi does not remember having sex…EVER. The girl is clearly older than Tenchi’s Daughter should be. As such, it makes sense that she would be from the future.

Thank you Mihoshi. I mean, you are wrong. But still.

Washu comes along and does her own thing. You know…

EXPOSTION

“Maybe but there was a rift in the time space grid. It happened right before she showed up out of nowhere. Quite a coincidence, huh?”

You know what would have made this scene more interesting? IF WE DIDN’T KNOW WHERE THIS GIRL CAME FROM ALREADY! Seriously, by establishing the troll woman as the antagonist early on and constantly flashing back to her it destroys any sense of tension or excitement.

Of course, now that Washu has revealed this, all of the girls are starting to dream of a future with Tenchi.

“It could be me, you know. When I’m grown up!”

Hasegawa really likes the idea of Sasami as the preferred wife if the age gap was closer, doesn’t she? We then cut to…

Oh no.

“Can YOU guess where this is going?”

“Ryoko, calm down! It’s now what it seems! Let me explain!”

“I’M GONNA GET THAT BRAZEN LITTLE HUSSIE!”

But before Ryoko can kill the Daughter of the man she loves, a person snatches her away just in time.  I wonder who…

“There’s a good girl! Next time you can take a bath with your Grandpa!”

Wait...that would be Nobuyuki then, wouldn’t it? Ah, look at you Yosho! Looking out for your Son In Law!

Of course, the creature is watching this and is not amused. She then flashes back to her youth where…she kills some kids I guess?

“OPTIC BLAST!”

“Hmm, not a bad haul!”

…oh, she eats children BECAUSE OF COURSE!

Young Yosho runs up to her, looking for his friends. After saying “Screw it” he gives the creature a berry as a “Startica” present. As she looks on the boy while blushing, I instantly recall the beginning of the movie and have lost all the sympathy I had with her for being beaten as a child. I mean, she eats children. You can’t really come back from that.

Anything interesting happening back at the Masaki house?

Nope!

Mayuka finally gets around to opening that box that she has been holding onto and shows Sasami the tree inside of it.

“Wow, it’s beautiful. It’s a Christmas tree, isn’t it?”

“Christmas? What’s that?”

“You haven’t heard about Jesus or Santa or the Burgermeister Meisterburger?!”

 “This is for Startica, the summer star festival in Jurai. It’s so much fun!”

So basically the only tangible connection this holiday has to Christmas is a tree. Also, why has this mention of a Juraian holiday not raised any red flags to Mihoshi or Sasami? I mean, sure Tenchi could know about it in the future, but come on!

After some time, the entire house is asleep. The box awakens once again and who is in it but the monster girl whose name we still don’t know!

“Hey wake up Mayuka! Mayuka!”

To make things interesting, we see that Mayuka’s eyes are different, so she is clearly not herself.  

“She sees you when you’re sleeping. She knows when you’re awake!”

Mayuka drags Tenchi away to the steps of the shrine, not knowing that she is actually being followed by Ryoko. Then Mayuka acts decidedly creepy….

“I love you!”

“No! No more incest! Especially with my own…”

“!!!!!”

“Ewww!”

As she makes out with her Father, a green light envelops around the two, causing them to float in the air. This has not gone unnoticed.

“My natural Juraian incest senses are tingling!”

“What’s this?!”

“Incest! Twice in one day?!”

“Tenchi please…let’s be together…now!”

…this is some messed up stuff right here.

Ryoko flies toward Tenchi before he gets used by his kid, which causes Mayuka to abandon the entire mission and leaving a Father and his Daughter very confused.

“Did…did we just make out?”

“OH MY GOD WE DID!

“Leave it to me! I’ll kill her for you!”

Ryoko threatens to kill Mayuka for what she has done unless she explains just what the hell is going on, but the girl calls her bluff. Big mistake.

“Have a nice trip!”

“See you next fall!”

“Don’t worry Mayuka! I’ll say goodbye to your Daddy for ya!”

And with that, we are going to have to put a pause on the review. We are a little under halfway done with it, but there is still so much more to look forward to. Did Mayuka die? How will Tenchi react to Ryoko’s actions? What is Yosho’s role in this? What is the name of the mystery demon woman? Find out all of this and more in Part Two of our Tenchi Movie Review!